Skills Project--Shyness Essay -- essays research papers

INTRODUCTION:   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  All my life I have been shy. Also, all my life I’ve been hearing people say, â€Å"She will grow out of it.† I’m 20 years old and the shyness is still here. As a kid you can get by being shy but as an adult, shyness can hold you back in many aspects of your life. DESCRIBING PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR:   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  After two weeks of recording my behaviors I’ve come to realize in what situations my shyness comes into play most often. There are very few situations that I feel comfortable with myself, allowing me to speak freely. The only people that I ever feel at ease with are my own family and friends. Even my own family and friends can turn me silent in some situations.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Meeting new people is a very hard task for me. Sometimes it feels almost impossible. My biggest fear of meeting new people is, not knowing what to say. In most cases I would rather avoid a situation than have to deal with the feeling of not knowing what to say. 2/6-2/9 I tried to avoid any situation that I thought I could feel awkward in. Avoidance can be either physical (steering clear of a friend after having an argument, or in my case, steering clear of a friend to avoid the chance of any awkward situation) or conversational (changing the topic, joking, or denying that a problem exists). (Ch.11-Managing Conflict, p.304) Most shy people would rather avoid the short term problem of meeting new people and asking for dates, even when the long term goal of intimate relationships are enticing.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  On 1/18 I had a job interview at a new pizza restaurant. My parent’s had been hounding me for months to find a job. The new pizza restaurant that was opening, the owner happened to be one of my dad’s co-workers, so I decided that even though I hated interviews I would give this one a try. It was 1/18 that the owner had called and asked for me to come in for an interview that same day. From the moment that I hung up the phone after agreeing that I would be there at 2:30 I had the same sick feeling I always got when I was nervous about something. All I could think about was all the other interviews that I had gone on in the past and never got the job, so that had to be how this was going to turn out too, that was my self-fulfilling prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophec... ...ome vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.† (Desiderata)   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  One source of low self-esteem is inaccurate self-perception. Sometimes I can be overly harsh of myself, believing that I’m worse than the facts indicate. Learning to have a realistic perception of myself was a hard thing to learn. Gaining self-esteem isn’t something that you will gain over night. I think throughout this term I have learned many things leading me to gain the self-esteem slowly that I lost back in high school.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚     Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  To change my self-concept I have to have the will to change. I have said for many years that I want to change, but I don’t do anything but say that. I thought that being shy was who I was. My static evaluation that’s I’ve heard over and over in my head, â€Å"Ashley is shy.† (Ch. 4 – Language, p. 98) I am capable of changing this part of my life, it is something that I have to have the will to gain the skills I need to be able to change. The main thing that I learned from this project and life is, shyness may be difficult to overcome, but loneliness is harder.